Founder Dates And Hot Takes
Dating as a startup founder is hard. Hear from other founders how the juggle their love and startup lives together!
Author’s Note: This would have been a paid article, but seeing as I’m getting back to the swing of publishing on a regular basis, I thought I would make this one free for everyone, given it’s been sitting in the drafts…for a really long time. Plus, it’s fun to start off the week on a lighthearted, funny topic such as dating in the startup scene!
Enjoy! More to come on the F2F publishing schedule going forward. - Soda
It’s a common saying among early-stage founders that starting a company with someone is like getting married.
Two founders meet; ideally, it’s love at first sight, and partner together. Their partnership is the bedrock upon which the startup rests.
Till term sheet do us part?
We all laugh, joke, and frequently compare navigating co-founder relationships to our personal ones. However, dating for founders is a complicated, underexplored topic.
Dating is hard.
Dating while being a founder is harder.
(Dating for female founders is even more difficult, but I’ll expand on that in a future post!)
I dropped the following tweet about founders dating:
As you can see from the engagement, I got many interesting responses!
For some, it’s non-existent:
For others, it’s a concern to avoid:
For the smart ones, why not just date the person you’re already building alongside with (300 IQ play!):
While everyone tweeted about their takes on dating, I spoke with a founder running a growth-stage startup (one of the fastest-growing companies I’ve ever covered), who shared their perspective on dating (paraphrasing here):
“I literally don’t have time to date as a founder. I’m on Zoom calls for eight to ten hours a day, sometimes even longer, making key company decisions. On top of that, I can’t date my employees due to obvious ethical issues. One of my highest priorities right now is hiring good candidates. I am constantly filtering these candidates; subsequently, that filtering mindset bleeds into how I view potential dates in my personal life. I’m so used to being surrounded by high-caliber people that it’s inevitable that I seek the same in a potential partner. Thus, in the rare times when I do happen to have time to date, I’m rigorously filtering them on whether they meet my standards or not.”
Tough situation, right? However, if you read my last piece, “You Are Not Your Startup,” you can understand the growth-stage founder’s perspective.
They are approaching dating as a CEO and not as a person. Again, we can’t blame said founder here: if you’re spending nearly all your waking hours being a startup CEO, you will most likely view the world in your remaining free time as an executive.
So what’s the solution if you’re too busy to date?
Maybe you rely on a product like @thekeysai to help you converse efficiently on dating apps or text messages with potential lovers.
Maybe you stay heads down and worry about dating after making millions and billions.
Or maybe you listen to this founder below:
Avoidant partner? What is that? A quick Google Search returns the following:
However, that’s not what Kingsong is saying. When he uses the word avoidant, he means independent.
Having an independent partner makes intrinsic sense to any founder because their partner will have to accept that their significant other (SO) will not be available regularly compared to a traditional relationship. That lack of availability becomes less of a problem for the partner if they are independent and aren’t always needing their SO (the founder in this case) to be around.
Kingsong was gracious enough to expand more on his point in the DMs:
His reasoning resonates with me, as it mirrors advice I’ve heard countless times from close friends outside of an entrepreneurship context.
So many of my close friends in real life found their current spouse or significant other when they weren’t looking for one.
That’s the complete opposite of a founder’s mentality. Founders look for things.
Founders look for new hires.
Founders look for new investors.
Founders look for new customers.
Founders are always looking, even for a partner! It’s their job!
Founders act.
Telling a founder not to act is like telling your dog not to bark.
It won’t happen - it’s in their nature, their DNA.
So what can founders do to increase their dating prospects?
It’s a summary of Kingsong’s wonderful advice: live life as a person, not as a startup CEO.
When the right person comes along, you’ll know.
Soda